A Prayer for My Son

God you are gracious. That is only thought I could muster when I held this boy in my hands. Breathing and present. Crying and finally seen.

Father you are gracious, constantly giving us what we do not deserve. We are from a distant place, not from your decisions but our own, and yet you draw us to yourself. May Willem feel this draw from a young age so he knows no other reality but being close to you.

Your grace extends to every pleasing thing we see. This world is full of the good, the beautiful and the true because you make it so. May Willem be the seeker and protector of these things: your gifts. May he make you known by acknowledging the giver of the gifts, protecting and preserving them for others, and spurning the counterfeits.

Give him a resolve that hardens when the fight is nigh and the opportunity to run away is close at hand. May his will be in protecting the vulnerable and defending the weak. And encourage him when he gives his strength for your cause and your name.

Your grace brings joy; the only reasonable response to the good life. May Willem be known as a joyful one, experiencing the good life as he is connected to you. May that connection be confirmed in his happiness and may his happiness be contagious, bringing others to connection to the Giver of Joy.

May his life’s direction be always a steady trajectory toward you and may he live out his name.

Amen

Willem- Resolute Protector

Joyus- Joyful One

Estep- Dweller from the Eastern Valley

Machiavelli Wrote the First Business Book

My book club, The Reading Society, finally came to The Prince in our read through of the Great Books. It had been one I was looking forward to in order to see what all the fuss was about. Why do we label tactical politicians as Machiavellian? Why did the adjective always seem to have a negative undertone, perhaps even amoral, if not evil. I read the book and I found, actually, it is the first leadership book. A helpful proto-business book. 

Machiavelli wrote his small book as a gift to help a leader in the era of Italian City States. His ends were practical: how do you hold on to power and leadership in the midst of other city states that want to take over. And his means were practical as well: know the character of the people you govern, weigh the risks of bringing in outsiders to help you win a battle, always be self improving so that you are ready for the inevitable next battle. 

The practicality made this book immediately applicable. The lessons are many and fit not just in a city state governance but in the cubicle, the production team, the ministry at church, the board of the PTA. He first recommends that we understand the people we attempt to lead. If we don’t understand what they are used to and what they value we will likely fail by leading them in a way that fits some other people. 

A democratic people loves freedom while those under a monarchy will be used to order and stability. If my team is used to working as a brain trust and working together to come up with a solution, taking that away will bring only friction. But if the team expects direction then calling a brainstorming session may be paralyzing. 

The Prince encouraged observation and weighing of options. The caution to not listen to counselors who always give advice without being asked was counterintuitive but helpful. The interests of that counselor may be something other than the good of the state (or project or business). A good leader is one who evaluates counsel when it is asked for and proceeds after weighing it. 

The evaluation of types of minds was blunt and to the point. “…there are three classes of intellects: one which comprehends by itself; another which appreciates what others comprehended; and a third which neither comprehends by itself nor by the showing of others; the first is the most excellent, the second is good, the third is useless.” And also caused me to chuckle.

And even the often cited example of whether it is better to be loved or feared was revealed to always be cited in an incomplete way. The chapter in full points out that you should only work to control what you can control. Because you can’t cause someone to love you, that should not be the thing you worry about. Because you can execute laws (directives, goals, accountability structures, KPIs), and make clear to people they are to follow them because that is what they ought to do, fear (or an understanding that people will be punished for breaking the law) is something you can control and thus something you should emphasis. From that perspective of course that is true. I shouldn’t try to gift limited treasure to make a people love me when that will only run out and that was not the cause of their love anyway. Control what you can control.

The strength of the book was its practicality but it was pursued to a fault. The book lacked an emphasis on the why of pursuit of power. It seemed to mock the philosophers who pondered an ideal kingdom founded on justice and virtue (Socrates). But even in its deficiency, “it is unnecessary for a prince to have all the good qualities I have described, but it is very necessary to appear to have them”, it inadvertently admits that there are good qualities that are desirable, good, and beneficial to be observed.

While I expected a negative and conniving book, I found a very practical helpful read on leadership. This should remind us: always read the book instead of taking people’s commentary about the book as gospel. There is a reason Machiavelli’s name is in our lexicon. That alone is reason to read it. 

This was the first leadership book and we should be reading it before we read the latest best seller. Many of them are just copying the original. 

A Response to Radiolab and the Death Episode

I enjoy my podcasts and I listen to a lot of them. I try to keep several on the rotation that are outside my normal interest and allow me input to keep thinking. One of these is RadioLab. It is, often, a science-based podcast and has a worldview I don’t share. Two reasons to listen.

In the most recent episode, the producer decided to investigate whether she could outrun death. Her tactics were many: avoid dangerous situations, protect yourself from bad inputs (food, sun, etc) and all the things we tend to fixate on to give us a few more years. Toward the end of the episode it became obvious that death cannot be outrun and thus she was forced to ask the more philosophical question: “why do we have to die?”

And because science and the measurement of the observable can only show you what happens in the observable plane and not why, her ability to answer was limited and she started to interview a bunch of people. And one of the final answers was “Life is death”. 

Which in one way is completely understandable. The progression of life as we know it ends in termination: death. But to shorthand it to “life is death” is completely ludacris. Akin to saying 0 is 1. In our observable experience it seems like 1 is subtracted from 1 every time and we get 0 but 0 is not 1. The existence of death is an intrusion on life.

And if we assume a materialist or solely physical box of all that is, we are limited to these poor answers. Life is death because that is what we observe. But that answer is so unsatisfying. Dissatisfying in fact. Because the question is clearly important for us humans, us homo sapiens. It is a question we ask “why do we die?” It is an end we fear. It is something we hate and in our very bones feel is wrong and misaligned with the joy we find in much of life.

The presence of this question demands an inquiry that goes beyond what science can provide. The very fact that we think it worthwhile to record a podcast and ponder the question shows us that something else is going on. The other creatures don’t do this. Your dog doesn’t ponder death and definitely doesn’t produce a show considering the answer. And yet we do.

We are drawn to these types of questions as though life unending is pressed into our souls (another thing that cannot be observed but we all know exists, or spend a lot of time convincing ourselves it doesn’t). 

If we limit ourselves to the imminent plane we will limit our ability to answer the questions we have been asking ourselves since the dawn of man. Why is their death? Why are we here? What is after death? Why does the sunrise and the symphony stir my soul? Why do we long to be loved? Why are we willing to give ourselves to others for no gain?

The tools of the imminent plane (science and its method) cannot answer these questions because those questions are outside that plane. 

And my soul stirs with the same questions but I have answers because God revealed them. That our souls were imbued with eternity written on our hearts. That we were designed to live forever but we broke the world and invited death in. That we have been stuck in this condition for so long we assume it is only natural and fitting even though our souls are torn with every funeral we attend. 

I know that God sent rescue in the person of Jesus. That Jesus stared death in the face in order to give us an answer to our questions. He died and followed the path toward life’s termination, like we all do. But he was raised again. In order to put death in its place on the side lines. He was raised with a new body that will never die, as all were before we invited death in, and his plan is to give us new bodies and to live with us in a new creation. Where the observable world is no longer twisted and broken by death and decay. (And how fun will it be to practice science in that world?)

And the answer to our question “why do we have to die?” is answered in the recitation of our breaking the world but in knowing that story we have an even better hope. Not just a reason why but an answer about what will be. We broke the world but Jesus is putting it back together. And that longing, for life continuous with bodies that no longer die, is exactly the thing he brought about. And while we wait for the rescue we can have answers to our questions now. And that is such a better way to face death.

Crass Chaucer: Canterbury Tales

The Canterbury Tales has an interesting premise. A group of travelers on a pilgrimage agree to tell each other stories along the journey to the destination where they intended to worship. The travelers come from every walk of society- from Knight to nun to merchant. The stories must teach or be entertaining. Either way each must affect the listeners and not just bore them. 

Chaucer’s endeavor is to teach doctrine, “all that is written is written for our doctrine.” And he will use each of the characters to tell stories from their vantage points. This could be incredible a middle ages Symposium refreshing the speeches of love (or other high values) from Plato’s work 1000 years before. And it starts well enough. The knight begins with a tale of honor and love. And then it proceeds to confirm what we always suspected. Us humans always laugh at a fart joke. And in rhyme no less.

The surprising part is not the crass jokes about bodily functions or the irreverent stories of adultery. The surprising part is the staying power of such trash. The ancient plays of the Greeks were full of it (the comedies, not the tragedies). And a 1000 years later, within the context of a trek to worship God, Chaucer can’t help himself succumbing to the shock jock ways. 

The more things change the more they stay the same. Even though some may bemoan the gutter mouths of the comedians and wish it were like it used to be. There is no clean “like it used to be”. The clean are the exception not the rule.

This is not a defense of scatological humor and dirty jokes. Just an acknowledgement that it has always been here and the temptation to wallow in it is ever present. And also to give a warning that they drag you down and pull your thinking like gravity. Whereas I was lifted to read some of the Tales about nobility or philosophy (The Knight’s or the Parson) . When I stumbled upon the story of the Miller or the Reeve I was dragged down. Dumber for the effort.

And the astounding thing about this is that Chaucer seemed to feel sorry about what he did. The last page of the book is an apology and an acknowledgement of his sins. 

Wherefore I beseech you meekly, for the mercy of God, that you pray for me that Christ have mercy on me and forgive me my sins; [1085] and namely of my translations and compositions of worldly vanities…

As though he acknowledges, he soiled his shoes walking in the stories he shouldn’t have. I can almost see him with pen in hand thinking, “I shouldn’t write this down but boy am I gonna get a laugh.”

Cannabis and the Christian: Take Aways

Marijuana is an interesting topic. I drive around Portland quite a bit and it seems like every hipster coffee shop is followed by two marijuana shops titled with bad puns. The ubiquity of it all makes it something that cannot be ignored. That is why I am so thankful for Todd Miles’ book Cannabis and the Christian.

He acknowledges that legality is no longer the foundation of a Christian’s decision about marijuana (at least in states like Oregon) and that we need a robust framework to aid in our decision making. I found two parts of the book quite helpful. One in thinking about marijuana in particular and the second in thinking about life in general.

The first is that the use of cannabis (THC in particular) should be viewed through the lens of its affects. If the goal is some level of intoxication that is a state that is prohibited by Scripture. Though the word cannabis/marijuana is not mentioned in Scripture the choice to be drunk by something is.

18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph 5:18–21.

There are many things in the created world that we can use to intoxicate ourselves, alcohol and marijuana being just two of them, but the posture of the Christian in the world should be something different: a filling by the Spirit that drives the way we interact with each other and with God.

As an aside, I enjoyed Miles’ working through the medical literature and mentioning that it would be great to get more studies completed to see with more certainty what medical benefits cannabis can have (THC or CBD). There is potential for benefits that are not intoxication.

Secondly, Miles has a section of discipleship questions (he repeats them from Greg Allison) that he suggests are helpful in evaluating our decisions about marijuana but even more so all of our actions. It is not as though there are only a few difficult decisions in life and the rest of our actions can be on auto pilot. I found the questions to be a helpful check for myself in evaluating even my most mundane actions. Here they are.

• Am I fully persuaded that this activity is right?

• Can I practice this activity as “for the Lord”?

• Can I engage this activity without being a stumbling block to my brothers and sisters in Christ?

• Does the activity promote righteousness, peace, and joy?

• Does the activity edify others?

• Is this practice profitable?

• Does this activity enslave me?

• Does this activity bring glory to God?

• Is the Holy Spirit guiding me into this activity?

Working through these questions has had me stopping certain innocuous activities: mindless browsing on my computer or phone for example. And working to engage things that will be helpful for me and others: starting my morning at home so I can hug and snuggle my boys before I leave for the rest of the work day.

All of our decisions help put together a life that shapes us and forms us. We are either setting up a life that is forming us in the way of the Spirit or it is not.

Our View of Hell is Energized by Dante's Imagination

I recently finished Dante’s Divine Comedy. The trilogy of books about the 3 potential destinations for those entering the afterlife: Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven. Honestly, much of it wasn’t very compelling. He was working from a Catholic worldview that I do not share so large portions, especially the second book, I did not agree with or have categories for. But what I realized while reading is that the general understanding, caricature, or picture of hell that would be described by the average person is founded by the imagination of Dante.

This is important because the primary document that should drive our understanding of hell is Scripture. The pages of the Bible. And the Bible, especially Jesus, talks about hell a great deal. He uses metaphors that paint it as an undesirable place, a place of torment and difficulty, a place for judgment of those who reject God and the angels who have rebelled against him. The eternal aspects are there as well. 

But the fascinating piece for me is that our general imagination about hell is informed not by the words of Jesus or the language of Scripture but by the imagination of Dante. 

If we were to talk about hell you would likely, reflexively, think about demons with pitchforks incessantly torturing the damned. That is the imagination of Dante. We reference “special places in hell for people like that”. That is Dante and his 7 levels. We allude to specific punishments attached to our conduct while living. Much of Dante’s inferno is description of specific sins being attached to specific punishments in grotesquely unique and disturbing ways. 

And because our imaginations are informed by Dante, and not the scriptures, We come to the Bible with Dante’s scenes dancing in our heads. And I know for many they come to the Bible assuming Dante and when they don’t like Dante they unfortunately reject the Bible as well. 

Who informs your imagination? Where do you get the pictures that animate the ideas of the world? This is worth sifting and pondering. Because often they come from sources that are part of our culture, western civilization in this case, and inform the very language and way of thinking about realities but are not actually authoritative sources. Dante took bits of Bible and extrapolated out a 400 page epic poem that stands next to Homer and Virgil for its craft. Interesting to be sure, but it is not a description of reality.

Evaluate the primary sources if you want to understand and don’t allow derivative works to inform your opinion. We desperately need well founded and energetic imaginations that encourage us, warn us, and give us hope about what is true. Soak in the Bible so it informs your imagination.

Learning to Delegate

I am pretty good at my job. I can do things quickly, efficiently, and consistently. I know what I want to do and I know how I want to do it. I have been in the mechanical industry for over a decade so the difficulty is rarely knowing what to do. If I have ignorance, I know of whom I need to ask the questions. I am at the point in my career when the limiter is myself.

The ability to do any of the given projects may be available within my skill set but I am still a finite person. I am the limit of how much can be accomplished. I only have so much time, so much bandwidth, so much energy, so much stamina. If I depend on myself fully then I am necessarily putting a boundary on what is possible.

It is time to learn how to delegate. When I delegate I am expanding the boundaries of what is possible because I have a team I can depend on. I can then manage my delegation and what we can do together is far more than we can do as individuals.

Here is the rub. Delegation involves training. It is involves trust. It involves knowing something will not be done as quickly or as well or as expected because the knowledge base, experience, or abilities are different.

Therein lies the tension. I can be satisfied with the limits of my own abilities and keep the intimate knowledge of how I will do something. Or I can let go of some of the results and expand what can be accomplished.

The latter involves being required to engage in new actions that I don’t currently have to do: training, mentoring, following up with, holding accountable. But what I lose in independence I gain in growth.

This may seem like an exercise in greed. How can I do more as a team so I can gain more as a sales person? But that is actually not a consideration for me. My mind goes to how can I better help customers and how can I ensure I give myself the bandwidth to do the things I am put on this earth to do that are not necessarily the 9-5 job. For the former a team can tackle far more problems than an individual. I am leveling up, so to speak, so I can surmount even bigger difficulties for my customers. Not to mention they gain a more capable partner to whom they can delegate. 

As for the latter, if I don’t delegate the temptation would be to have my working hours bleed into the hours that should be for other things, starting earlier, ending later, working on things on the weekend. Delegation, in this respect, is really a stewardship of my time and resources for better ends.

And the growth for myself gained from delegating may be worth the whole exercise on its own. It is full of hard conversations and getting out of my own comfort zone. I can decide to remain who I am because it is comfortable or I can press into gaining maturity and character formation knowing I have opportunity to gain virtue, or hone virtue, that I do not currently have.

Three cheers for delegation.

Memory Stacking in Victoria

On the restfulness of familiar places.

I am sitting in Victoria, Canada. It is a celebration trip for our 10th Wedding Anniversary. I am looking out over the bay watching the ferry come in and the water glistening in the sunshine.

This is not a new place. It is a familiar place; we have been here seven of our anniversaries. But it is better for the familiarity. Something novel is delightful at one level simply because it is unknown. But something familiar is delightful because you can build memories on top of memories.

Leslie and I walk to the same book store every time. We walk through the door and are reminded of the time we found the edition of Peter Rabbit or got lost in the vintage book aisle.

We stay at the same hotel and are reminded of our prior celebrations every time we see the trims of the doors and the accents of the paint. We enjoy the same scone and delight in the same drink. Both of which we can only find there.

In repeatedly coming back to a place, we have created a container for memory. In the first year it was all new and unknown but now it is known and it is comfortable. We don’t spend the first day getting settled or figuring things out. It is almost like continuing where we left off the time before.

Going to a new place is an adventure because of discovery and I enjoy many new adventures. But when the desire is to be at rest coming to a known place is preferred. I know this place and can sit in that chair, or take that walk, and eat that meal and rejoin a place where I have rested before. I have practiced rest here and thus I am ready to rest again.

I will continue to stack memories, knowing the practice of rest in a familiar place will only make the return trip more memorable and more restful.

Here’s to a restful place.

Musings on Running and the Portland Half Marathon

Yesterday I sat next to a friend and tried to describe the thrill of running in the Portland Half Marathon. It is exciting, full of energy, exhausting, difficult, exhilarating, mentally taxing, cumbersome, and delightful.

Running on a regular basis is helpful for the goal of improving health, losing weight (in my case), and improving the functions of the heart. You don’t need competition for that but I find adding something to train for makes the whole experience exponentially more delightful.

I am running so 10 years from now I can keep up with my kids. And 20 and 30 years from now I am not relegated to the couch. I am running for stewardship of my body and training to be able to do the things I want 30 years from now. I technically don’t need competition for any of that. I could run my 3 days a week and would receive the benefits.

But a race… it is a test of your training. It is an evaluation of what you have done. Have I actually accomplished the goals of fitness or am I just pounding pavement? Have I improved the efficiency of the pumping of my heart and the ability of my calves and glutes to continue to move. Has my body learned anything?

Additionally, a race is hard. It is throwing your body against the proverbial wall and testing whether your training will crash you through the wall to some small glory. I think there is a reason the metaphor of a race is used in scripture for the working through life. And I think it is far more valuable for me to run a race to better feel that metaphor. Life is difficult and hard. Sometimes it is physically demanding and sometimes mentally or emotionally. 

Putting yourself in a race is a conscious decision to put yourself in some level of suffering. Our culture pulls us toward avoidance of all suffering and thus this is an uncommon decision to be made. Life is often suffering, we live post fall after all, and even if we try to avoid it that does not mean we will not experience suffering. Instead, we will just be unprepared for it when it inevitably slaps us in the face.

For me, running is a race is putting myself in a little bit of suffering so that I am more prepared to endure it. The pain of the 13th mile of the Portland Half Marathon does not compare to the pain of loss, the loss of a job, or the strain of broken relationships but I would rather be accustomed, by practice, to engaging suffering rather than attempting to avoid it.

Especially Thankful

This time last year my family and I were sitting alone. My wife and I worked hard to make sure the Thanksgiving meal was indeed a feast. We had all the necessary items and we put a structure to the day so our three young boys would know that this was a special day. We ate turkey and pumpkin pie. We had wine and cranberry sauce. We gave thanks. We were grateful.

But the spirits of the adults in the room were dampened. Thanksgiving is the paramount holiday for my family. All the memories of my childhood that have the whole extended family gathered, packed together in a warm house, are Thanksgiving memories. But last year it could not be so. There was fear of rising covid cases and the proposed solution was no large family gatherings. The limit was 6 and being a family of 5 that meant we were alone.

I could talk of the lack of wisdom of such a decision, the myopic view of a single metric of the pandemic while ignoring the ramifications of other aspects, like the lack of Thanksgiving  gatherings. I suppose I could engage a thousand Thanksgiving table debates but let’s set that aside for now. I will, instead, acknowledge the dark reality that the virus was a real and present danger that required response. And the response of my locale left us alone. 

I want to bring myself back to that dark point last November. I want to see its sadness to best make the contrast with this November. And with that contrast it is easy to make my anticipation all the brighter as my heart is warmed waiting for this Thanksgiving. 

It has been a hard road. There is loss and heartbreak. Sadness and suffering. Let’s not minimize these things. No need for a stiff upper lip. The hurt is real. The difficulty we have all experienced is not light. We have walked through a generational event. There are scars and bruises that need to be healed. There is reconciliation that is necessary. But this November is far more hopeful than the last.

In the midst of a bleak year we have much to be thankful for. Vaccines, the most effective weapons against the virus (aside from community-killing, soul-breaking isolation) are widely available. Antivirals are coming to the shelves. Hospitalizations are on a steady decline. A horrendous event, that is a pandemic, has swept through our midst and we are on the other side. 

Last year there was uncertainty. There was fear. This year there is the arrival of family, connection with friends. A light is dawning. Families will be embraced. Food will be shared. Glasses will be raised and thanks will be given. We don’t have to scrounge our list looking for things to be thankful for. There is much to cause gratitude. And people across the table are the prime reason. 

My thanks goes to the Giver of good things because all of those things, especially the people, are his gifts. In the words of words of Lincoln in the Civil War Proclamation of Thanksgiving, “They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God”

I hope you join me in a simple practice this coming Thursday. When you sit in a room full of people, remember last year. Remember the small gathering. Feel the twinge of sadness, loneliness, and isolation and then look around and take in your family, your people. This is far better. And a reason to be thankful. 

Raise a glass and give thanks for the ones among you. Their presence is all the sweeter in light of the temporary isolation. Embrace them and give thanks.